What is a lifeku?

A lifeku is a haiku about daily life. For those who are unfamiliar with haiku, it is a form of Japanese poetry usually about nature, "profound," and formatted in 3 lines of 5 syllables, 7 syllables, and 5 syllables. Feel free to check out some famous haikus if you still don't get it.

Comment. It'll make the popular kids like you.

Saturday, November 29

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Today's lifeku is a reader submission, sent in by the lovely and talented Maureen, who is also my Twin Flame (as in uber BFF):

What is with the cookie cutter mansions that all look the same? Architecturally, they are like the equivalent of North Korea, lacking any and all individuality. It totally gives me the creeps to think that all of my neighbors would have the same bathroom as I do...


Tacky McMansion
Your house looks like your neighbors
Learn to be unique

Friday, November 28

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As I've said before, sometimes one needs no introduction:

Fuzzy little lamb,
You don't want me to eat you?
Don't be so tasty

Happy Turkey Day

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My whole family once went through this prolonged vegetarian phase. It started when my sister moved to San Fransisco and subsequently became vegetarian and then vegan. She brought home the trend, raving about the John Robbins The Food Revolution and spewing horrible details about how steak is born. Within weeks, she had my whole family on the vegetarian kick... some lasted longer than others. My mom held out at least 7 years for a BLT (I knew she would cave) and my sister kept it up until her pregnancy, when she asked me to buy her a filet mignon wrapped in bacon. Thus ended the vegetarian reign.

Mom, the Tofurkey
Thanksgiving year was so gross
Vomit in my mouth




UPDATE: Reader Submission

Since Thanksgiving isn't over yet and we're all already 2 pants sizes larger, I thought I would go ahead and post these Thanksgiving lifekus sent in by Maureen:

Thanksgiving dinner
I ate way too much this year
About to explode

I should know better
Why am I still looking at
the dessert table?

Wednesday, November 26

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Yesterday morning I saw a woman on the metro taking her kids to school. (This particular woman happened to be Asian, but that doesn't relate to anything of importance for our purposes, I'm just letting you know for Jerry's sake) She was, say, somewhere in the black age hole of 38-61 and sitting with her very young children on the folding seats. I say "the black hole of age" because that's where women seem to fall these days. Take myself: I could be anywhere from 26 to 42, with people frequently mistaking me for someone in my mid thirties [insert depressed sigh]. For the record, I'm actually only 26. This woman, however, was more impossible to judge on age than an ambiguous adult-teenager that may or may not be jail bait, because the skin on her face was pulled so tight that I don't think she could actually physically close her eyelids. At all. I also suspect that she has difficulty smiling as well, since her mouth was so pulled and puffed with collagen that she looked like Gina Gershon through a magnifying glass. The best part of all of this was that she had "chosen" not to wear "make-up," which meant the giant white brow lift scars on her eyelids where visible to all. Classy.

Tight Botox woman
No expression on your face
You look like a cat

A note to myself...

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A special thanks to my Twin Flame who always notices my morning typos. The thing is, I am actually a good speller and a person who hates typos... but when you're trying to get it out there at 7:00 am before you run out the door, obviously you miss a few. So I figured I deserved my own lifeku:

Daily Lifeku Girl
Maybe you should check spelling?
There's typos galore...

Email Subscriptions/ Technical Difficulties

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For some reason email subscriptions didn't go out last night, sorry for the lack of lifeku. I haven't totally figured out what went wrong, but have hopefully rectified the problem anyways... You should now receive your feed subscription between 11:00am and 1:00pm EST.

Daughter Out.

Tuesday, November 25

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I've always said that whenever you see a man naked and drunk doing something loud or embarrassing, you have exactly 4 options to choose from: English, Irish, Scottish, Australian. I have never been proven wrong in this theory, ever.

English hooligans
Singing, vomiting ruckus
Get off the bar now

Monday, November 24

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Didn't you all have a friend (possibly at college) who always managed to create a story that was bigger and better than a story that you just told? Of course you did, we all did. I like to call these people "one uppers" because they are always trying to one-up you with something more fantastical and unbelievable. Often a better word for these people is "liars." It doesn't matter what story you just told, it could be about how you were nursed back to health by mountain lion cubs on a camping trip gone bad, and this person will come up with something even better like knowing a girl who was raised by wolves from birth in an Alaskan cave. It's always a distant relative or nameless "friend" who accomplished the feat so that you can never verify or call them out, but that doesn't mean we don't all know they're big fat lying.

Compulsive liar
Your uncle didn’t do that
No one believes you

New Features & Happenings

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Some of you may have noticed that I've upped the fanciness level on The Daily Lifeku:

1. Sunday Polls: Since, not unlike God, the Daily Lifeku must rest on Sunday, I will now be launching Sunday Polls to see how many of you are horrible people like myself. I kicked a baby this morning by the way.

2. Reactions: Blogger gave them to me, so I give them to you. If you're feeling the universal truth of the lifeku, it's "word to your mother." If you're a lame douche that doesn't get jokes, it's "wackness." So feel free to vote.

3. Top posts and Favorites: You can now find the most commented posts and my personal favorites on the right sidebar. For those of you who actually pay attention, you may notice that I have given you some "Inspirational Moments" between the two.

4. Recent Comments: The most humorous part of the Daily Lifeku is often the discussions that continue in the comments, where many of you will see my friend Jerry misuse important vocabulary words. The 4 most recent comments/commenters can be found on the right sidebar as well. Lots of them are other bloggers who are almost as funny as I am, so you should check them out.

5. Stalking: Last but not least, I have made it easy for you all to stalk me via the vast expanse that is the internet. Feel free to follow my every move on Twitter, Facebook, Technorati etc, but be warned that I will kill you if I see you outside of my house. And trust me when I say that I know how to dispose of a cumbersome body...

Note: For those of you who describe via email - As I am in France, and post in my own time zone, you are actually recieving yesterday's lifeku in your inbox. Just so you know.

Sunday Poll

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Think Fast: Children...