Friday, September 11

I love it when teens challenge you to play video games with their triumphant look that says, "I dare you. You're so old anyway it's not like you'll win." But it seems teens today have forgotten something, namely that video games STARTED WITH MY GENERATION. Technically, there was Pong even before us...

You're a sore loser
13 year-old Tetris boy
Show some Game-boy respect

Thursday, July 23

Summer lovin’ teens
I don’t need to see all that
Keep it in your pants

Thursday, May 21

This one goes out to every "young person" who thinks that user edited encyclopedic content serves as undisputed fact:

Generation “Net”
Stop quoting all your facts from
Wikipedia

Monday, April 27

In the past year or so, my neighborhood has transformed into an ultra young super hip uber trendy hangout spot... especially for teenagers. Everyday when I go downstairs I find them in flocks and clusters giggling and flirting, with one or two stragglers that move between groups. Everyday I see their side-swept bangs which would more accurately be described as giant comb-overs and everyday I watch them send text messages to their friends who are standing but 20 feet away. And everyday, as it gets warmer, a rise in degree in temperature results in an inch rise of the skirt hem... it's not even "hot" yet and I am already seeing butt cheeks peeking out so I can only imagine what's going to happen when it's 90 degrees and humid outside. Maybe they just won't wear bottoms. At all. Then they can text about it. Sweet.

Trampy tween outside
Pulling up one's skirt so high
Gives out the goodies

Saturday, February 7

I totally wrote this haiku about Joy Division before having seen this article and this article which apparently predict some sort of imminent comeback that I hope will never happen. For those of you who did not attend an angsty/punk/hardcore/goth/straight edge high school like myself, you can read the Wikipedia article on Joy Division here. Think "The Cure" or "The Smiths" but more depressing and angsty, if that's possible...

Lonely man drinking
Have this Joy Division tape
And a razor blade

Saturday, January 10

Today's lifeku was inspired by myself as an adolescent, my friends as adolescents, adolescents in general, and basically every adolescent I have ever known. From that time when it's embarrassing if your parents speak, no one understands you, everyone is ruining your life, and of course my personal favorite, your life is over. Why don't you just go slam the door to your room and cry about it?

Monosyllabic
Teenage communication
Like cool, whatever

Monday, December 1

Today is Monday, also known as Gossip Girl Day. Even though I am old enough to have known the mixed cassette tape, I still feel compelled to watch a TV show for 14 year-olds. I can't help it, it's Blair and Chuck, they make me crazy with their wicked schemes. They're like Sydney and Kimberly from Melrose Place only without the explosions. Besides, Serena is growing on me and Jenny's mullet will eventually grow out... which brings us to:

Why, Gossip Girl, Why?
I'm too old to love you so
Much, XOXO

Saturday, November 15

I think this one came to me when I was almost physically run over by at least 7 different quasi-blind, over-styled trendy boys:

Styled teenage boy
How can you even see with
Those bangs in your face

Wednesday, October 29

Every time I walk outside, I am astonished at how many people are lacking the following items: full length mirror, thermometer and/or weather source, winter coat, and a properly sharpened eye pencil (that's a whole other subject all together). But those who impress me most are the youth of today. Particularly the youth of vaginal tendencies. That's right I'm talking about teenage girls. You know, the ones who are basically wearing dental floss in a snow storm and still think they're hot stuff? Maybe their youth serves as extra body heat, powering them through the long, cold winter months or maybe frostbite amputation is a hot new trend that I haven't heard about yet...


Naked teenage girl
Why don’t you put some clothes on?
It’s February

Tuesday, October 7

Teenage girl driving
Stop putting on your lip gloss
Before you kill me