What is a lifeku?

A lifeku is a haiku about daily life. For those who are unfamiliar with haiku, it is a form of Japanese poetry usually about nature, "profound," and formatted in 3 lines of 5 syllables, 7 syllables, and 5 syllables. Feel free to check out some famous haikus if you still don't get it.

Comment. It'll make the popular kids like you.

Saturday, December 13

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I'm flying back to the states for the holidays next week, which means I have mentally been preparing for international air travel since before Halloween. It's funny how people turn into complete psychopaths when given only 2 cubic feet to live in for 8 hours. I'm sure the flights to and from Paris and DC will inspire many a lifeku, but I thought I would warm up with memories of previous travels and delightful adventures:

Voluminous girl
You take up two seats, not one
Who are you kidding?

Friday, December 12

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There's this one girl who works at my grocery store who is always in a pissy mood. It could be beautiful outside with rainbows and unicorns and she would still be scowling in her red smock, chucking plastic bags in my general direction. I would also like to point out that this particular girl also has a very visible moustache, which she may or may not me aware of and which may or may not contribute to her foul mood. Either way, I think we'd all be happier if she slapped some dipilatory cream on that bad boy.

Bitter cashier
It’s not my fault your life sucks
You know you’re worthless

Thursday, December 11

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I'm in a giving mood, it must be the holiday season. I am feeling generous enough to let the men of the world in on another secret: You know how we say it's no big deal? We're lying.

Remember the time
You said it was just this once?
Inadequacy

A quick note...

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To those of you who recently signed up for email subscriptions, you must confirm the request before you will be added to the list. You should receive an email from Feedburner and which probably go into your junk or spam box by default. Just click the "verify" link, and you're on your way to lifeku heaven.

Wednesday, December 10: Reader Submission

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I've decided that Wednesday will be Reader Submission day from now on...so if you've got a lifeku, go ahead and send it in.

As I've said before, Maureen is lovely, but she is also a horrible person and totally proud of it. This is, of course, why I love her. Sometimes, however, she will take a pause from laughing at people who fall down to think of other people's feelings, for example her mother's feelings. Today's lifeku is about the sacrifices we make to protect our parents' feelings, in honor of the dreaded holiday season:


Mom, I love you, but
That tomato jelly you
Made was gross. Sorry

Note: It has previously been stated that Maureen will eat anything, so the maybe the tomato jelly wasn't so much of a sacrifice after all.

Tuesday, December 9

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Today's lifeku has nothing to do with Paris, but instead concerns driving in the States. Before I moved to France, I grew up in DC and spent four years living in Brooklyn which means I had my share of road rage moments. Now I take the metro everywhere and no longer have to deal with idiots tail gaiting me for 20 minutes because I didn't see them when I merged, but I do get a fresh dose of murderous hysteria whenever I talk to Maureen on the phone. Our conversations go something like this:

D: "Hey, what's up?"

M: "Nothing, just running some stupid errands. What are you doing?"

D: "Not much, eating chocolate... wasting my life away on Stumble Upon."

M: "I know, Stumble Upon is so - HEY YOU IDIOT GET THE F*** OUT OF MY WAY JEEZE!"

D: "Huh?"


M: "Sorry about that, people are so retarded. I SAID NO I AM NOT LETTING YOU TURN LEFT!!!! IF YOU WANTED TO TURN LEFT YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN INTO THE LEFT TURN LANE YOU JACKASS!!"

D: "Are you at Tysons Corner?"

M: "Route 7" [10 second horn honk] "NO, NO, F*** YOU I HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY!"

D: "Road rage much?"

M: "I know, but it's not my fault that everyone is stup--- [interruped by extremely long horn honk]"


and the conversation continues in that matter for a few minutes until I get tired of hearing Maureen's "angry voice" and I hang up the phone so she can yell. This one is dedicated to my Twin Flame and the person she hates the most on on the road:

Car blocking the box
I’m imagining your death
You selfish ass wipe

Monday, December 8

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Sometimes, but not very often, I feel a little bit bad for men. In general. They never really seem to know what's going on and those blank, confused stares often give me the urge to let them in on a little universal truth:

Hey, all men: newsflash
Sometimes we start fights with you
Just because we can.

Sunday Poll: December 7

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