Saturday, February 7

I totally wrote this haiku about Joy Division before having seen this article and this article which apparently predict some sort of imminent comeback that I hope will never happen. For those of you who did not attend an angsty/punk/hardcore/goth/straight edge high school like myself, you can read the Wikipedia article on Joy Division here. Think "The Cure" or "The Smiths" but more depressing and angsty, if that's possible...

Lonely man drinking
Have this Joy Division tape
And a razor blade

Friday, February 6

I stumbled (yet again) upon this tragic DIY dress that I cannot honestly believe a human being would wear. The title of the article, found here, is: Party Dress in an Instant. Indeed... if by "Party Dress" they mean "Ugly Thing" and by "Instant" they mean "Waste of Your Time." Plus let's keep it real, I think the bottom half is in fact a table cloth she stole out of my grandmother's basement.



Over-crafty girl
Your old bra is not a dress
DNDIY*



*(do not do it yourself)

Thursday, February 5

I live in France, so I have become accustomed to less than perfect teeth (not for myself, of course). The French don't believe that it's "healthy" to do certain things like "whiten" and "crown." They do wear braces and do root canals, which is more than I can say for the English who probably have the most fugly trifling grills I have ever seen. Ever.

When I talk to you
All I ever notice is
Your stank nasty teeth

Wednesday, February 4: Reader Submission

Today's reader submission comes from Norman, who was basically on haiku fire:

Often when I speak

I upset someone when I
only want to play.

This is more fun than
writing short blurbs on facebook
that don't mean a thing.

Only yesterday,
I couldn't spell Haiku, but
today I am one.

The Haiku rockstar's
tour bus is filled with girls and
imagination.

Tuesday, February 3

This lifeku originally applied to my father, who can explain Stephan Hawking's "A Breif History of Time" to an 8 year old and calculate 246 x 5348 in his head, but who cannot walk in a straight line. With age and experience, I have concluded that this is not just my father, but in fact an entire sector of the population. Apparently, a whole freaking lot of you can't walk in a straight line. When I am walking down the street, in the metro, even at the airport I always like to play a little game where I follow the yellow line... do I think I am in the Wizard of Oz? Maybe, but that's not important right now. What is important is the number of people walking in S formation, who have the balls to bump into me and give me this look that says: "Can't you see I have no equilibrium? It's totally your responsibility to get out of my way." Um, no it's not.

Unbalanced woman
You push me because you walk
Diagonally

Monday, February 2

I often say that I should have been a lesbian, but the truth is that I love men. Yes, I said it. What I don't love are men's habits... such as using my nail clippers as some sort of utility tool or washing their hair in the sink when there's totally a detachable shower head that is much easier to use. Oh, men, I never understand you. The best part is: a man will be totally grossed out if you forget to pluck the wrong hair or accidentally reveal that you too have human bodily functions, but the same man will wear the same t-shirt for 10 days and clean the dishes only when there are none left. I once knew a guy who's sink was home to a thriving civilization of maggots. They were evolving, approaching a golden age... I swear I saw them using tools...

Men who live with us
The food you leave out spawns life
Decontaminate

Sunday Poll: February 1

Driving makes me feel...