What is a lifeku?

A lifeku is a haiku about daily life. For those who are unfamiliar with haiku, it is a form of Japanese poetry usually about nature, "profound," and formatted in 3 lines of 5 syllables, 7 syllables, and 5 syllables. Feel free to check out some famous haikus if you still don't get it.

Comment. It'll make the popular kids like you.

Saturday, February 28

I will probably kill you
For those shoes on sale

Friday, February 27

Today is Daughter's birthday, so she has the day off. If you see her, you should do an impromptu jazz hands because she really likes that. Flame of Twin is taking over in the meantime.

Today, someone took something of mine that they shouldn't have...and at the time I was hungry. Which led to an interesting train of thoughts that ultimately made me think of certain "friends" that need to stop ganking my jonx. Personally, I hate it when a friend offers to pick me something up and than eats half of it before they arrive. It's like hello, why did you offer to pick it up in the first place? I am a person who needs to eat and my hunger may cause potential rage blackouts and other dangerous ramifications... which is why when someone steals my French fries, it makes me think of the great words spoken by Alec Baldwin on his daughter's voicemail,
which inspired this lifeku:

Hey French fry stealer
Don't think I didn't notice
Greedy little pig

Thursday, February 26

Some of you who are loyal readers from the beginning may think that this lifeku strongly resembles "Man With Bad B.O." (one of the original lifekus) and it probably does. But I can't help that because the number of funk-nasty people that are all up in my personal space requires that I write at least one body odor related haiku per month. Brunette on the line 2 next to me a few days ago, you know who you are:

Stranger next to me
You are smelling pretty ripe
Deodorant, much?

Wednesday, February 25: Reader Submission

Today's reader submission comes from Steph, who was kind enough to create a Kissing Medley for us:

Hispanic boyfriend
Sexy when you act ghetto
You give me street cred.

Badass redneck boy
Tongue piercing and hot tattoos
Why can’t you kiss well?

Stoners cannot kiss
Move your lips around, dumbass
This is not a bowl

Tuesday, February 24:

Despite the obvious dry humor of The Daily Lifeku, I am a relatively optimistic person and I have never liked a pity party. People find reasons to complain about everything when their lives really aren't that bad. I mean, seriously, my guardienne (French superintendent) washes the courtyard everyday with fresh water from the hose. She washes the ground. With clean water. There are children in Africa who would die on the spot if they saw this and this woman manages to complain about everything. Lucky for me she only speaks French and Portuguese so she won't be reading this any time soon...

Chronic complainer
At least you have arms and legs
Your face can’t be fixed

Monday, February 23

I was yet again stumbling my youth away the other day when I came across this incredibly bizarre, creepy, and downright disturbing story of a wife who found a way to hold on to her husband FOREVER. She commissioned the most frighteningly stalkerish statue ever for his tombstone so that she could desperately cling to him for the rest of eternity. Talk about attached. You can see the other photos and read about it here. If that isn't unhealthy, I don't think I know what it...

If you ever try to leave
I will be your grave.

Sunday Poll: February 22

Public nudity makes me feel...