What is a lifeku?

A lifeku is a haiku about daily life. For those who are unfamiliar with haiku, it is a form of Japanese poetry usually about nature, "profound," and formatted in 3 lines of 5 syllables, 7 syllables, and 5 syllables. Feel free to check out some famous haikus if you still don't get it.

Comment. It'll make the popular kids like you.

Saturday, January 17

I'm all for fashion... I love clothes and shoes and bags because I have a vagina. That's right. Sometimes, things that look really good are in fact totally impractical, like shoes that eat your feet, dresses you can't sit down in, those 70's pants that totally ride up your crotch... but somewhere, somehow, you can deal as long as you are causing your own discomfort. What is totally uncalled for, ladies, is my being accosted by your obnoxiously large and voluminous "ensemble."

Kimono sleeve dress
I don’t need to eat fabric
Control your wide arms

Friday, January 16

All of you have this friend. Maybe they're not a friend but more like a leftover acquaintance from your high school group or someone you just can't seem to get rid of, like hard water stains or shingles or chiggers. Or anything else that's really unpleasant. But for some reason you just can't bring yourself to delete them from your Facebook and tell them to F-off, so you reluctantly agree (after many wall comments and messages) to go for a drink and "catch up on old times" [wretch] when:

Lazy ass moocher
Quit going to the bathroom
When the check arrives

Thursday, January 15

This one goes out to all my girls who don't like children and wear lots of white, which would definitely include me. We put in so much time, effort, and bleach that there should be a child repellent to keep them away:

Smelly Little Kid
Keep your grubby little hands
Away from me please.

Wednesday January 14: Reader Submission

We already heard from Jiji about her idiot parrot, and it turns out her sister seems to have pet problems as well. Khadine, who can also be found over at Life in Trinidad & Tobago, explains:

I had to leave my cat Chloe in Trinidad when I moved to Romania, she has
since adopted my sister. On my sister's blog, she spoke about MY cat biting her on her head,
my heart is broken....

As a result, I felt the need to write a lifeku too...

Why cat, why? Did you
see fit to bite her skull and
not mine? Traitor! Hmmph.

and of course, a subsequent lifeku about Romania:

Romania, No!
So eastern block I want my
cat and a MAC store

Tuesday, January 13


Fat girl at the club
Do you think that dress fits you?
Here, wear this muumuu.

Monday, January 12

There was this woman who lived a couple of streets away from my house growing up. No one ever saw her and the grass in her front yard was high enough to hide a midget. A rather tall midget. One day, the police went to her house and busted everything wide open and apparently she had been living with 300 cats and all of her newspapers since the 70's. Really makes you single ladies want to settle for less, doesn't it?

Newspaper pack rat
Your house is a fire hazard

Sunday Poll: January 11


Think Fast: Feet