What is a lifeku?

A lifeku is a haiku about daily life. For those who are unfamiliar with haiku, it is a form of Japanese poetry usually about nature, "profound," and formatted in 3 lines of 5 syllables, 7 syllables, and 5 syllables. Feel free to check out some famous haikus if you still don't get it.

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Saturday, March 7

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Have you ever met somebody who doesn't have an opinion about anything? Not necessarily a pushover or those people who change their mind because you don't agree with them, but someone who just doesn't care enough to think this or that either way? I am annoyed by these people. I think that sometimes you have to have an opinion and you just can't get out of it... like when it comes to, I don't know, let's say: aliens. Okay, how does one not have an opinion on aliens? You either believe in them, or you don't. It's either a possibility in your world or it's not. You can't say, "I don't really have any personal feelings about the existence of intelligent life" the way you could say "I don't really have any personal feelings about Angelina's uterus." One doesn't require an opinion to be a thinking individual and the other does. It's simple.

Today's lifeku goes out to all of you who don't have the cajones to pick a side and stick with it:


Super neutral guy
If you cared any less, you
Might be Switzerland

Friday, March 6

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I feel like there are certain words that would be fun to integrate into our modern vocabulary... like whippersnapper and hootenany. Our grandparents were respectful and polite, and therefore way more creative when it came to words in general:

Older gentlemen
Please tone down the brouhaha
You might have a stroke

Thursday, March 5

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I know that I have previously mentioned my family's "Vegetarian Phase" that was sparked by my sister and led to the dreaded Tofurkey Thanksgiving. I know that I also mentioned that this particular phase ended for my sister when she was pregnant and absolutely had to have a filet mignon wrapped in bacon. Now those of you who are loyal vegan-vegetarian-ghee-tofu-eaters may be asking, How? Why? How do you comsume flesh after a decade without it? I'll tell you how and why: because it tastes good. That's right. Animals are delicious, especially fuzzy little lambs. And don't start that "our intestines weren't made to digest meat" crap because a) we wouldn't have canines and b) I would have serious issues going to the bathroom, which I don't. Which brings us to the ultimate statement of truth:

Hey vegan eater
Maybe lentils are healthy
But cow tastes so good

Wednesday, March 4: Reader Submission

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Today's reader submission comes from Spencer who had to speak out, "in response to the alarming trend of sorority girls thinking that leggings constitute as appropriate bottom-wear." That's right, ladies, leggings do not replace pants and I must admit that I totally agree on Spencer with this one. He even included some helpful websites that explain why leggings and tights do not replace the need to get dressed:

Leggings but no pants.
Dear little sorostitute:
We all see your butt.




Tightsarenotpants.com
Dumbest Fashion Statements Ever
Leggings are not pants

Tuesday, March 3

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Has anyone read those articles (or seen those stories) about hardcore video gamers that are so addicted they sit in internet cafes for days at a time, not showering and only eating ramen? They become so into the game that they do things like quit their jobs and stab each other. Today's lifeku goes out to those boys who've only known virtual relationships from the comfort of a sweat stained computer chair:

Video game guy
Put down the controller now
You’ve soiled yourself

Monday, March 2

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You know what expression I hate? "Do as I say, not as I do." Seriously, what's that about anyway? It's all, I can do whatever I want but then I get to judge you for doing the exact same thing because I just plain suck:

Total hypocrite
You just said that it was wrong
Now you’re doing it

Sunday Poll: March 1

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My birthday makes me feel...