What is a lifeku?

A lifeku is a haiku about daily life. For those who are unfamiliar with haiku, it is a form of Japanese poetry usually about nature, "profound," and formatted in 3 lines of 5 syllables, 7 syllables, and 5 syllables. Feel free to check out some famous haikus if you still don't get it.

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Saturday, May 16

I used to talk about Marie-France all of the time... a pigeon who somehow managed to find refuge in the gaps between my 300 year old walls. Marie-France would walk around cooing and strutting and doing other annoying pigeon things at all sorts of inappropriate early hours of the morning. I would be comfortable in my bed, enjoying that moment in between asleep and awake when the sheets conform to your body and are softer than they will ever be, and cluck cluck coo coo went Marie-France, waking me from my peaceful bliss. I cursed her name every morning and began considering whether or not it was worth it to punch holes in my walls to find her... and then one day, she was gone. Just like that. It was the first day I noticed that I had slept until 9:30 without interruption that I realized she was mysteriously absent, and that I was mysteriously relaxed and rested. For two years I lived in peace (obviously not counting those times when my guardienne decides 6:00 am is the perfect time to sort the glass recycling), a glorious, pigeon-free peaceful Parisian existence with baguettes and accordion music and berets and strikes. Then, last week, I was up at 6:30 making myself a cup of coffee when I heard a most unsettling scratching noise coming from behind the stove. The sound of claws against loose drywall... and then, I heard the cooing as I formed my angry fists of fury:

Pigeon in my walls
Loud early morning cooing
Murderous rage

Friday, May 15

Everyday, my guardienne (a French version of a super) performs various tasks throughout the buildings and courtyards like sweeping, taking out the trash, watering the flowers, and of course washing the ground. The ground is so very dirty that it needs to be washed absolutely everyday. With fresh water. She acts as if this is the most logical necessity that could have ever existed. Ground-washing. I mean seriously, it's the ground... it's just going to get dirty again... but she continues to waste fresh drinking water by hosing down the courtyard (which is rather large might I add) because in her world the environment must not be important:

Idiot waster
You don't have to rinse that
Because it's the ground

Thursday, May 14

Red Cross corner guy
Do you have to bother me?
Your job really sucks

Wednesday, May 13: Reader Submission

Today's reader submission comes from Moomie, who has just recently put her house on the market because she found a better one. While this is all fine and dandy, in order to prepare her house for a non-stop influx of total strangers Moomie has transformed herself into the alter ego "Tina Sparkle" (who handles all of the cleaning and is rather OCD) and has thus begun cleaning, sweeping, wiping, bleaching, scrubbing, swiffering, buffing, vacuuming, shining, windexing, folding, pressing, steaming, waxing, and many other verbs in -ing form:

Where's my privacy?
An open house invasion
I'm just so tired

Tuesday, May 12

Do you ever disagree with someone about something, but somehow remain unable to tell them because they cut you off every time you open your mouth?

Loud argument guy
A discussion goes both ways
You’re talking at me

Monday, May 11

I recently watched this documentary on compulsive hoarding on TLC (technically I watched it on YouTube since I have no TV, and you can to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=daKsMsa8YAc). I basically spent the whole time with my mouth gaping open and one hand glued to my face in horror and when it was over I threw away all of my shoes that I never wear because they eat my feet... well, most of them...

Compulsive hoarder
You live in a garbage dump
Is that lamp molding?

Sunday Poll: May 10

Mother's Day...