Sunday Poll: April 19

Think Fast: Republicans

Saturday, March 7

Have you ever met somebody who doesn't have an opinion about anything? Not necessarily a pushover or those people who change their mind because you don't agree with them, but someone who just doesn't care enough to think this or that either way? I am annoyed by these people. I think that sometimes you have to have an opinion and you just can't get out of it... like when it comes to, I don't know, let's say: aliens. Okay, how does one not have an opinion on aliens? You either believe in them, or you don't. It's either a possibility in your world or it's not. You can't say, "I don't really have any personal feelings about the existence of intelligent life" the way you could say "I don't really have any personal feelings about Angelina's uterus." One doesn't require an opinion to be a thinking individual and the other does. It's simple.

Today's lifeku goes out to all of you who don't have the cajones to pick a side and stick with it:

Super neutral guy
If you cared any less, you
Might be Switzerland

Friday, February 20

To celebrate of our first month with Obama and more importantly without Bush in 8 years, today's lifekus are in honor of all the stupid things we'll hopefully never hear from a president again. I dedicate February 20 as "Remember the Bushisms Day" so that we may never forget the dark times where our country was represented by a backwoods yokel, spewing ridiculous disinformation while managing to rape and murder all idioms and expressions. $20 says if you ask him, he thinks an idiom is someone stupid who didn't understand the need for The War on Terror (best title that means nothing, ever!).

The question I have always asked myself is: What is it like for Bush's speech writer? I mean seriously, this is a person behind the scenes who must obviously be good with words or he or she would have never gotten the job in the first place. Every day, I am sure he or she spell checked, reviewed, edited, and modified to give the illusion that our ex-pres was not, in fact, a bumbling idiom. That was on purpose. And every day, I am sure, the speech writer sat somewhere in a corner, shaking and holding his or herself whispering, "Just stick to the paper, W. Don't deviate this time. Please, please, for the love of God just read what I wrote." As the sorrowful tears streamed down trembling cheeks, W would say to himself. "You know what? I'm just gonna improvisationalize for personality's sake. Yeah, that's it." And another little piece of the Speech Writer died inside...

Moving on, I present to you: The Top 10 Bushisms With Accompanying Lifekus

10) "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." —LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000

9) "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." —Greater Nashua, N.H., Jan. 27, 2000

8) "I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." —second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

7) "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." —Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000

6) "You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." —to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005

5) "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004

4) "They misunderestimated me." —Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

3) "Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" —Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000

2) "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

1) "There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." —Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

Grammar, who needs you?
Proverbs aren’t important
Cause I loves my guns

You know you love it
My nonsensical speeches
Let’s get some oil!

Oh, working mother
I didn’t understand you
Sorry, I’m stupid.