What is a lifeku?

A lifeku is a haiku about daily life. For those who are unfamiliar with haiku, it is a form of Japanese poetry usually about nature, "profound," and formatted in 3 lines of 5 syllables, 7 syllables, and 5 syllables. Feel free to check out some famous haikus if you still don't get it.

Comment. It'll make the popular kids like you.

Saturday, January 24

Remember when you were an annoying kid who said annoying stuff like, "I know you are but what am I" or "I'm rubber and your glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you?" I hated you then and I hate you now and by the way 9 year-olds everywhere: I've heard it all - there's no nursery rhyme insult you can throw my way that won't get a comeback so why do you try:

Snotty little girl
You look like a monkey and
You smell like one too

Friday, January 23

Sometimes people assume that these haikus are about me. They're not, they're about life in general, hence the name "life-ku." Actually, sometimes I totally write them about you. Yes, you.

How would you like it
If I told them all about
Your incontinence

Thursday, January 22

Today's lifeku is about a subject that has long since annoyed me... Namely the gross misusage of the English language. I could go off on a rant about the French and how it's impossible to order "one cookies" but I'll save that for later and instead focus on the myriad of idiots that you and I both went to high school with:

Suburban slang kid
Conversate is not a word

PS: For those of you who are stupid idiots just waiting to tell me "misusage" isn't a word, you can check the dictionary definition right here. Snap.

Wednesday, January 21: Reader Submission

If you still haven't joined The Daily Lifeku's Facebook group, you're obviously a douche and there's not a whole lot that I can do for you. Today's reader submissions come from The Wall, these two in particular made me chuckle:

From Barry:

Login incorrect
Only perfect spellers may
enter the system

From Eura:

Walks in the city
At night, shady walk, gangsters,
Oh s**t, where's the car?

Just because it's Obama Day...

I know that blogs are supposed to be "relevant" or whatever... we're supposed to keep up with the "news," see what people are "reading" about, and use "key words" to drive "traffic" in our directions. Let me just keep it real by saying that I am way too "lazy" to do that. I do, however, know that an outside "world" exists outside my bubble and that important "events" occur there. So, for the sake of it, here you go:

I should have written
An inauguration post
But I didn't. Crap.

Tuesday, January 20

This one summer there were these homeless guys (they were actually more like squatters) who had started hanging around my neighborhood. I saw them with their dogs frequently and paid little attention since I live in an urban environment and am thus completely numb to homelessness... but one day... I came out of my building, it was a Saturday in June so the streets were packed like Times Square, and started walking towards the bakery. When I had gotten to the church (half way to the bakery), I was suddenly startled by a plastic cup flinging around in my face. Upon further inspection, I realized that the plastic cup had a dollar sign on it (why it wasn't Euros I'll never know) which was attached to a fishing pole, which was being held by the squatters who were standing on the church steps. As in they were fishing for handouts. Panhandle fishing. Or something. I thought it was so funny that I decided to give them a Euro. A for effort, I always say.

I sometimes give cash
To homeless people with real

Monday, January 19

Have you ever been in the middle of a "conversation" with someone who just drones on and one, flapping their gums, not even once noticing that you have tried to open your mouth on multiple occasions? Blah blah blah blah blah about their parents, boyfriend/girlfriend, work, bodily functions, last vacation, political opinions... sometimes I like to remind people that I just don't care, but there's no way they can hear me if they are still talking.

Conversation hog
When you talk I wonder if
You’ll ever shut up

Sunday Poll: January 18

Think Fast: The Internet