Saturday, March 14

When I was living in Brooklyn, I definitely developed a toilet mouth. At the time it seemed totally natural and appropriate, but since I've been living in France I find that people don't understand what your saying if every other word you drop the f-bomb before saying you think so and so's face is totally jacked. Since I have gone back to speaking real English, I find the potty mouth less and less attractive, along with the girls attached to them:

Hey toilet mouth girl
Calling me names doesn’t change
Your being ugly

Friday, March 13

Public bathroom guy
Maybe you should have waited...
We all just heard you

Thursday, March 12

Have you ever had someone staying with you who made themselves just a little bit too much at home? As in, to the point where it becomes totally invasive? Couch crashers of the world: when we say, "make yourself at home" we don't mean it literally, so please pick up your wet underwear. And don't tell us why your underwear is wet, because we don't want to know.

Intrusive house guest
Do not make yourself at home
I want you to leave

Wednesday, March 11: Reader Submission

This week's reader submission comes from Fern, who tells us about the creative and resourceful methods her brother used to torture her growing up:

Dear older brother
Please stop farting in my mouth
Humiliation

Tuesday, March 10

Non-sharing roommate
You took so long on the can
I went on your bed

Monday, March 9

I am incapable of keeping plants alive. I've tried many times.... again and again... but to no avail. Recently I had purchased a plant that was supposed to be "the easiest to take care of ever" and at first I thought it was true. My plant flourished, it's thick green shoots sprouting up towards the sunlight as it became thicker and thicker. I had even thought about getting a larger pot to put it... until something happened. I don't know what, but it had to be something because suddenly, but at the same time ever so slowly, my plant began to wilt and die. Piece by piece it began to fall apart, leaves dropping off into my hands like a hysterical woman who's pulled out all of her hair. And now, all that's left is two sad little stems with a leaf or two and trust me when I say that those are about to bite the dust any day now...

Meager little plant
I tried to keep you alive
Why do you hate me?

Sunday Poll: March 8

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