Friday, May 8

Gobbelty gook man
Nobody understands you
Try using real words

Tuesday, April 28

This morning, I was gently stalking people on Facebook, seeing what they're up to, how many pictures of their kids they've posted, drunk clubbing photos etc... and I noticed a little trend. A presence, if you will. A presence of bad spelling. Words like "suceed," "its" with no apostrophe yet still meaning "it is," "desribe," a genuine lack of understanding between "affect" and "effect," and all sorts of grammatical rapings that make it seem like someone shouldn't have graduated high school...

Facebook friend of mine
We all know you have spell check
Why don't you use it?

Saturday, April 25

Today's lifeku is dedicated to all of you users of the following phrases:

• "I don't need no..."
• "I don't got none..."
• "I don't want no..."

and of course, the beloved

• "I'm gonna get me some."

Overrated smarts
I don’t need your fancy talk
Learning is stupid

Thursday, April 16: Reader Submission

I know that Wednesday is Reader Submission Day, but this one was too good to wait another 3 weeks for an open space... In response to my post about Franglais and the now-famous possessive donut's, Chris has decided to enlighten us on the subject of Denglisch. Now all we're missing is Spanglish... anyone got a Spanglish lifeku??

Chris explains:

"I hardcore have super feelings about your Franglais frustrations. Germans do the same thing. It's called 'Denglisch' and it's quite silly. While there are numerous examples, such as the ubiquitous 'Handy,' their word for 'cell phone,' and 'Happyend,' a literary term used to describe the plot arcs of American cinema, I think the universally premier example of Denglisch is their word for 'hip hop':

'Black Music.'

I kid you not. I can only wonder how many dorky German exchange students have gotten the snot beaten out of them in the States, when, on a Saturday night in their adopted home of Hotlanta or Chi-Town, they ask with great earnesty where they might go to dance to some Black Music."

Germans, please take note:
A 'happy ending' is not
what you think it is.

Hip-hop in Stuttgart
The kids call it 'Black Music'
But not in Oakland!

Of course, the phenomenon works through reverse culture shock, too. For a while I seasoned my English with German-like grammar and vocabulary. But it's been too long since I was there...

My Denglisch is gone
No longer, trips to the store,
"Going einkaufing!"

Friday, April 10

In France, people use an exceptional amount of Franglais. This is the application of English words with a French accent in the middle of a French sentence. An example of this could be, "J'ai un super feeling avec les animaux" which means "I have a great feeling with animals." However, "I have a great feeling with animals" doesn't really mean the same thing in English, so this sentence could more appropriately be translated, "I get along well with animals." Another example of this Franglais can be noticed in the overusage of the word "hardcore" as in sentences like, "Putain, c'est trop hardcore" (meaning, "Sh** that's really hardcore). The French LOVE this word and will use it as often as possible.

When speaking Franglais, for some reason the speaker feels compelled to refer to everything in the plural such as un cookies, un muffins, or une chips (a cookies, a muffins, and a chips, respectively.) I've tried to explain that cookies can never be one, the "s" means by default there are at least 2, but they don't care. Now, having explained this Franglais business, I present for your approval the most bizarre of all Franglais mistakes:


That's right. Donut's. There not just inappropriately plural, they're possessive. These donut's own something and they're not letting go. Which brings us to:

Possessive donuts
You are not the boss of me
Let me live my life