What is a lifeku?

A lifeku is a haiku about daily life. For those who are unfamiliar with haiku, it is a form of Japanese poetry usually about nature, "profound," and formatted in 3 lines of 5 syllables, 7 syllables, and 5 syllables. Feel free to check out some famous haikus if you still don't get it.

Comment. It'll make the popular kids like you.

Saturday, November 1

This one goes out to all of you (mostly men, but some of you vaginal species are in there too) who are missing the Brain-To-Mouth-Filter. What is that? It's the filter that stops idiotic sentences from spewing out your mouth the moment you think them. The filter that nudges you with a little, "Wait, maybe I shouldn't say that." Ahhh, yes that filter. The one that so many of you seem to be missing:

Guy, can you ever control
Your big fat loud mouth?

Happy Halloween

In the spirit of Halloween, I thought I would dedicate a lifeku to one of my most favorite characters in existence: The Paranoid Conspiracy Theorist. Oh how I love you and your cute crazy rantings! What's that? You don't believe in AIDS? Awesome.

Weird paranoid guy
The man is still watching you
Shh, did you hear that?

Thursday, October 30

It's hard to bypass a slow, blue-haired old lady shuffling down the street. Especially when they have limited equilibrium and seem to slalom down the side walk:

Old lady beehive
That’s a lot of jewelry
No wonder you’re slow

Wednesday, October 29

Every time I walk outside, I am astonished at how many people are lacking the following items: full length mirror, thermometer and/or weather source, winter coat, and a properly sharpened eye pencil (that's a whole other subject all together). But those who impress me most are the youth of today. Particularly the youth of vaginal tendencies. That's right I'm talking about teenage girls. You know, the ones who are basically wearing dental floss in a snow storm and still think they're hot stuff? Maybe their youth serves as extra body heat, powering them through the long, cold winter months or maybe frostbite amputation is a hot new trend that I haven't heard about yet...

Naked teenage girl
Why don’t you put some clothes on?
It’s February

Tuesday, October 28

Those of you who don't actually know me may not get this one. It all started with my mom's gigantic silverwear, which you'll have to trust me when I say is the most enormous silverwear you have ever seen in your entire life. Ever. Clearly, it was designed for Giants, not humans. This conclusion led to my now popular Giant Impression, which obviously involves roasted babies since that's what giants eat. I would show you except that I would rather die than post a video of myself online:

Loud angry giant
I don’t have any sauce for
Your roasted babies

Monday, October 27

There are many things that disturb me about Sarah Palin. In fact, her very existence disturbs me. But with all her crazy republican quasi-nazi conservative beliefs, I am still baffled by the fact that someone who lives in Alaska would vote against putting the polar bear on the endangered species list. Obviously, I concluded that it's because she eats polar bear for dinner, then brushes her teeth with polar bear fat before going to sleep on her polar bear sheets. That must be it.

Hey Sarah Palin,
Why don’t you build a house with
Those Polar Bear pelts