What is a lifeku?

A lifeku is a haiku about daily life. For those who are unfamiliar with haiku, it is a form of Japanese poetry usually about nature, "profound," and formatted in 3 lines of 5 syllables, 7 syllables, and 5 syllables. Feel free to check out some famous haikus if you still don't get it.

Comment. It'll make the popular kids like you.

Valentine's Day Haiku Grande Finale

Maureen and I had originally prepared some lifekus for the Valentine's Day Grande Finale, which would obviously be today, but then I yet again stumbled across the most awesome story for V-Day that could have ever existed. Let's examine the curious case, not of Benjamin Button (also known as Forrest Gump for those who have seen the movie), but of starcrossed lovers Dominique Fisher and Wayne Robinson. A tale of drinking, vodka, valium, one night stands, and pure craziness... "Why, what happened?" you may ask. Fear not, I will tell you:

Wayne Robinson is a regular English guy who drinks too much and was trying to get laid. Dominique Fisher was a moderately attractive, moderately sane looking woman on whom he had set his sights for the night. Whoa, big mistake. After an evening of alcohol binging, which included some valium tablets and forgotten sex, one Wayne Robinson awoke in the bed of one Dominique Fisher to find that she had CARVED HER NAME INTO HIS ARM while he slept in a drunken stupor. I am not making this up. Seriously, you can read about it here. She also carved a star into his back and some slashes all over his arms, because she's just crazy creative like that.

Here, have a look:
Wow, that's romantic and delicious, isn't it? What's the moral of the story here, folks? I believe I'll sum it up in three simple lines:

Valentine's Warning:
When having casual sex
Don't have drunk black out

and of course, Part II:

Alcoholic sleep
I didn't feel anything
Dominique for life


Killerwit said...

crazy hoe-bag? yes
his unscathed penis rejoiced
good sex and great tale

Daughter said...

Yeah his unscathed penis rejoiced until it never got any again thanks to the "Dominique" now being sported on the arm.

rachel may said...

dominique, you champ
bad sex deserves more than that

get him in the groin!

meemo said...

Was he really that drunk that he could not FEEL her carving something onto his body?

Daughter said...

@meemo: Alcohol + Valium = Total Blackout + Permanent Scarring