I received this rather angry yet totally valid reader submission from Buzz, who once again called me out on being too French by "prolonging" my vacation...
You gave us a taste
Got us all addicted
And 'French-Style', you quit
You said just August
Did you lose your calendar?
It's now September
My mornings were bright
The inbox would ding with joy
Where's my Lifeku, bitch?
He speaks the truth...
Showing posts with label reader submission. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reader submission. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 29: Reader Submission
Today's reader submission comes from my Twin Flame, who basically just says what I'm thinking anyway:
This Lifeku is dedicated to my e-mail server company, which obviously doesn’t like using any type of sorting techniques.
Stupid spam filter
No, I don’t need Viagra
Are you even on?
This Lifeku is dedicated to my e-mail server company, which obviously doesn’t like using any type of sorting techniques.
Stupid spam filter
No, I don’t need Viagra
Are you even on?
Wednesday, July 22: Reader Submission
Today's lifeku comes from Shea, who has issues with his mother-in-law:
My mother-in-law moved near us recently. Since you've never met her you can't possibly know that there are no words in any language in the world that can accurately explain her. This lifeku was inspired after a shopping trip I took with Satan herself!
Mean old nagging wench
Find something better to do
Or be thrown in lake
My mother-in-law moved near us recently. Since you've never met her you can't possibly know that there are no words in any language in the world that can accurately explain her. This lifeku was inspired after a shopping trip I took with Satan herself!
Mean old nagging wench
Find something better to do
Or be thrown in lake
Wednesday, July 15: Reader Submission
Today's reader submission comes from Noelle, who will now probably think twice before reaching out to touch somebody:
"A long time ago, I went to the beach with my grandparents. We went to a reptile zoo and I left them to go use the restroom. When I came out, I noticed my grandfather leaning against the railing, so I decided to surprise him with a sudden hug. After I'd successfully wrapped my skinny little arms around him, he turned around with a look of shock on his face, and that's when I realized something. I'd hugged a complete stranger who didn't even remotely look like my grandfather."
Random old stranger:
sorry for the weird hug, man.
I bet you liked it.
"A long time ago, I went to the beach with my grandparents. We went to a reptile zoo and I left them to go use the restroom. When I came out, I noticed my grandfather leaning against the railing, so I decided to surprise him with a sudden hug. After I'd successfully wrapped my skinny little arms around him, he turned around with a look of shock on his face, and that's when I realized something. I'd hugged a complete stranger who didn't even remotely look like my grandfather."
Random old stranger:
sorry for the weird hug, man.
I bet you liked it.
Wednesday, June 24: Reader Submission
Today's reader submission comes from Buzz, who is quickly becoming my lifeku star:
I dropped my car off for service last week, and while they worked on it I went for a walk. I was horrified by the trash littering the side of the road. From fast food wrappers, to dirty diapers, to a plastic orange juice bottle filled with what looked like urine. Are you fucking kidding me? Where is the love for Mother Earth?? You ever see a cig smoker almost at the end of the butt, and they cup it, a secretly let it go?
Hey there cig smoker
Throwing it down discretely
You’re a litter bug!
What is that bad smell?
Ooh, baby’s made a poo-poo
Toss the diaper? Gross!
Hey there litter bug
I would love to see your home
Do you trash it too?
I dropped my car off for service last week, and while they worked on it I went for a walk. I was horrified by the trash littering the side of the road. From fast food wrappers, to dirty diapers, to a plastic orange juice bottle filled with what looked like urine. Are you fucking kidding me? Where is the love for Mother Earth?? You ever see a cig smoker almost at the end of the butt, and they cup it, a secretly let it go?
Hey there cig smoker
Throwing it down discretely
You’re a litter bug!
What is that bad smell?
Ooh, baby’s made a poo-poo
Toss the diaper? Gross!
Hey there litter bug
I would love to see your home
Do you trash it too?
Wednesday, May 27: Reader Submission
This weeks reader submission comes from Nancy, wgo tells us about her debacle in The Dam:
When i recently arrived in Amsterdam for travel's sake, i needed to locate my hostel that i had quickly booked online; unbeknownst to me, my map led me into the red light district, where i found no street names. Being completely tired and unbothered, i stopped the first Dutch person i saw to ask them the name of the street we were on, so i could know if i was near the hostel. As soon as i said 'Excuse me..', a recieved a very awkward, rushed response as the man looked to the ground and shuffled away, saying 'No, thank you, thank you, i'm happily married'. Yes, he thought i was a prostitute. Hence these:
Hey, dirty old man
I just wanted the street name
Sorry, not for sale.
In a strange city
In need of some direction
No, I'm not a whore.
When i recently arrived in Amsterdam for travel's sake, i needed to locate my hostel that i had quickly booked online; unbeknownst to me, my map led me into the red light district, where i found no street names. Being completely tired and unbothered, i stopped the first Dutch person i saw to ask them the name of the street we were on, so i could know if i was near the hostel. As soon as i said 'Excuse me..', a recieved a very awkward, rushed response as the man looked to the ground and shuffled away, saying 'No, thank you, thank you, i'm happily married'. Yes, he thought i was a prostitute. Hence these:
Hey, dirty old man
I just wanted the street name
Sorry, not for sale.
In a strange city
In need of some direction
No, I'm not a whore.
Wednesday, May 20: Reader Submission
Today's reader submission comes from Chris, who must've had the flu on the one day the opposite sex was thinking about giving him the goodies:
I am so damn sick.
Ladies check me out at store.
Why today? Why now!?
I am so damn sick.
Ladies check me out at store.
Why today? Why now!?
Wednesday, May 6
Today's reader submission comes from Buzz, a loyal lifekuer with a special love for syllables. I think you will all find he speaks the Truth:
Dude with the new wheels
We are all truly impressed
Learn to drive a-hole
Challenges surround
Pissed off and low on patience
What would Cheryl do?
Dude with the new wheels
We are all truly impressed
Learn to drive a-hole
Challenges surround
Pissed off and low on patience
What would Cheryl do?
Wednesday, April 29: Reader Submission
Today's reader submission comes from Scott, who can be found over at ScottStories. I don't think it needs much of an introduction, considering we've all been there:
Tequila with ice
Okay, maybe just one more
I will never learn
Tequila with ice
Okay, maybe just one more
I will never learn
Wednesday, April 22: Reader Submission
Today's reader submission comes from Liza, who has something to say to all of you inconsistent highway drivers out there:
"To the people who have no idea how to keep a consistent speed on the highway: "
Annoying driver
stop playing car tag with me
cruise control, use it.
"To the people who have no idea how to keep a consistent speed on the highway: "
Annoying driver
stop playing car tag with me
cruise control, use it.
Thursday, April 16: Reader Submission
I know that Wednesday is Reader Submission Day, but this one was too good to wait another 3 weeks for an open space... In response to my post about Franglais and the now-famous possessive donut's, Chris has decided to enlighten us on the subject of Denglisch. Now all we're missing is Spanglish... anyone got a Spanglish lifeku??
Chris explains:
"I hardcore have super feelings about your Franglais frustrations. Germans do the same thing. It's called 'Denglisch' and it's quite silly. While there are numerous examples, such as the ubiquitous 'Handy,' their word for 'cell phone,' and 'Happyend,' a literary term used to describe the plot arcs of American cinema, I think the universally premier example of Denglisch is their word for 'hip hop':
'Black Music.'
I kid you not. I can only wonder how many dorky German exchange students have gotten the snot beaten out of them in the States, when, on a Saturday night in their adopted home of Hotlanta or Chi-Town, they ask with great earnesty where they might go to dance to some Black Music."
Germans, please take note:
A 'happy ending' is not
what you think it is.
Hip-hop in Stuttgart
The kids call it 'Black Music'
But not in Oakland!
Of course, the phenomenon works through reverse culture shock, too. For a while I seasoned my English with German-like grammar and vocabulary. But it's been too long since I was there...
My Denglisch is gone
No longer, trips to the store,
"Going einkaufing!"
Chris explains:
"I hardcore have super feelings about your Franglais frustrations. Germans do the same thing. It's called 'Denglisch' and it's quite silly. While there are numerous examples, such as the ubiquitous 'Handy,' their word for 'cell phone,' and 'Happyend,' a literary term used to describe the plot arcs of American cinema, I think the universally premier example of Denglisch is their word for 'hip hop':
'Black Music.'
I kid you not. I can only wonder how many dorky German exchange students have gotten the snot beaten out of them in the States, when, on a Saturday night in their adopted home of Hotlanta or Chi-Town, they ask with great earnesty where they might go to dance to some Black Music."
Germans, please take note:
A 'happy ending' is not
what you think it is.
Hip-hop in Stuttgart
The kids call it 'Black Music'
But not in Oakland!
Of course, the phenomenon works through reverse culture shock, too. For a while I seasoned my English with German-like grammar and vocabulary. But it's been too long since I was there...
My Denglisch is gone
No longer, trips to the store,
"Going einkaufing!"
Wednesday, April 15: Reader Submission
This weeks reader submission comes from Mike, who tells a tale of discomfort that we all have known:
"Thursday night was low key and uneventful and I merely went out after work to have some wings and a beer. I felt fine and passed out like a baby before midnight. But around 4am, I woke up to this sharp burning sensation in my stomach. It was only minutes later before I was out my back door begging for mercy."
Teriyaki wings
why torture me and start a
wretched barf-a-thon?
Acid mouth flavor
Where's my Listerine bottle?
Swish, Spit, Rinse, Repeat
"Thursday night was low key and uneventful and I merely went out after work to have some wings and a beer. I felt fine and passed out like a baby before midnight. But around 4am, I woke up to this sharp burning sensation in my stomach. It was only minutes later before I was out my back door begging for mercy."
Teriyaki wings
why torture me and start a
wretched barf-a-thon?
Acid mouth flavor
Where's my Listerine bottle?
Swish, Spit, Rinse, Repeat
Wednesday, March 25: Reader Submission
This week's reader submission comes from Tara, who totally has a right to complain about overuse of air conditioning... even though I live in France so I don't know what that is anymore.
"I’ve been inspired by my freezing cold office building to write a few lifekus. I don’t know why the facilities people feel the need to blast the air conditioning when its 55 degrees outside…"
Dog gone management
Why must you blast the A.C.?
Hypothermia
Can’t feel my fingers
Thanks for keeping me alive
Awesome space heater
"I’ve been inspired by my freezing cold office building to write a few lifekus. I don’t know why the facilities people feel the need to blast the air conditioning when its 55 degrees outside…"
Dog gone management
Why must you blast the A.C.?
Hypothermia
Can’t feel my fingers
Thanks for keeping me alive
Awesome space heater
Wednesday, March 4: Reader Submission
Today's reader submission comes from Spencer who had to speak out, "in response to the alarming trend of sorority girls thinking that leggings constitute as appropriate bottom-wear." That's right, ladies, leggings do not replace pants and I must admit that I totally agree on Spencer with this one. He even included some helpful websites that explain why leggings and tights do not replace the need to get dressed:
Leggings but no pants.
Dear little sorostitute:
We all see your butt.
Tightsarenotpants.com
Dumbest Fashion Statements Ever
Leggings are not pants
Leggings but no pants.
Dear little sorostitute:
We all see your butt.
Tightsarenotpants.com
Dumbest Fashion Statements Ever
Leggings are not pants
Wednesday, February 25: Reader Submission
Today's reader submission comes from Steph, who was kind enough to create a Kissing Medley for us:
Hispanic boyfriend
Sexy when you act ghetto
You give me street cred.
Badass redneck boy
Tongue piercing and hot tattoos
Why can’t you kiss well?
Stoners cannot kiss
Move your lips around, dumbass
This is not a bowl
Hispanic boyfriend
Sexy when you act ghetto
You give me street cred.
Badass redneck boy
Tongue piercing and hot tattoos
Why can’t you kiss well?
Stoners cannot kiss
Move your lips around, dumbass
This is not a bowl
Wednesday, February 18: Reader Submission
Much to my surprise and delight, reader submissions appear to be taking place on The Wall. I check them every few days to see what people are complaining about, and I'd like to share the two that made me chuckle recently:
The first one comes from Alfonso, who makes an extremely accurate and important point that I probably should have addressed in haiku form a while ago:
Stop clipping your nails
While standing right next to me
Dangerous AND gross
The second one comes from Maureen (AKA My Favorite Person In The World!) who basically speaks my mind whenever she opens her mouth:
Dumb Solicitor
No I don't want your product
It's useless like you
The first one comes from Alfonso, who makes an extremely accurate and important point that I probably should have addressed in haiku form a while ago:
Stop clipping your nails
While standing right next to me
Dangerous AND gross
The second one comes from Maureen (AKA My Favorite Person In The World!) who basically speaks my mind whenever she opens her mouth:
Dumb Solicitor
No I don't want your product
It's useless like you
Wednesday, February 4: Reader Submission
Today's reader submission comes from Norman, who was basically on haiku fire:
Often when I speak
This is more fun than
writing short blurbs on facebook
that don't mean a thing.
Only yesterday,
I couldn't spell Haiku, but
today I am one.
The Haiku rockstar's
tour bus is filled with girls and
imagination.
Often when I speak
I upset someone when I
only want to play.
only want to play.
This is more fun than
writing short blurbs on facebook
that don't mean a thing.
Only yesterday,
I couldn't spell Haiku, but
today I am one.
The Haiku rockstar's
tour bus is filled with girls and
imagination.
Wednesday, January 28: Reader Submission
Today's reader submission comes from Oralia in East Bay, California:
"I stumbled-upon the daily lifeku last night, and thank god. I work at a photography studio using photoshop all day, and I wrote 6 work inspired haikus throughout the day. Please enjoy my two favorites, and if you are a cs geek like me - I hope you especially appreciate them."
I know photoshop
I'll liquify your arm fat
You wont even know.
What's wrong with this brush
I need to mask out your bags
Opacity, Whoops.
"I stumbled-upon the daily lifeku last night, and thank god. I work at a photography studio using photoshop all day, and I wrote 6 work inspired haikus throughout the day. Please enjoy my two favorites, and if you are a cs geek like me - I hope you especially appreciate them."
I know photoshop
I'll liquify your arm fat
You wont even know.
What's wrong with this brush
I need to mask out your bags
Opacity, Whoops.
Wednesday, January 21: Reader Submission
If you still haven't joined The Daily Lifeku's Facebook group, you're obviously a douche and there's not a whole lot that I can do for you. Today's reader submissions come from The Wall, these two in particular made me chuckle:
From Barry:
Login incorrect
Only perfect spellers may
enter the system
From Eura:
Walks in the city
At night, shady walk, gangsters,
Oh s**t, where's the car?
From Barry:
Login incorrect
Only perfect spellers may
enter the system
From Eura:
Walks in the city
At night, shady walk, gangsters,
Oh s**t, where's the car?
Wednesday January 14: Reader Submission
We already heard from Jiji about her idiot parrot, and it turns out her sister seems to have pet problems as well. Khadine, who can also be found over at Life in Trinidad & Tobago, explains:
I had to leave my cat Chloe in Trinidad when I moved to Romania, she has
since adopted my sister. On my sister's blog, she spoke about MY cat biting her on her head,
my heart is broken....
As a result, I felt the need to write a lifeku too...
Why cat, why? Did you
see fit to bite her skull and
not mine? Traitor! Hmmph.
and of course, a subsequent lifeku about Romania:
Romania, No!
So eastern block I want my
cat and a MAC store
I had to leave my cat Chloe in Trinidad when I moved to Romania, she has
since adopted my sister. On my sister's blog, she spoke about MY cat biting her on her head,
my heart is broken....
As a result, I felt the need to write a lifeku too...
Why cat, why? Did you
see fit to bite her skull and
not mine? Traitor! Hmmph.
and of course, a subsequent lifeku about Romania:
Romania, No!
So eastern block I want my
cat and a MAC store
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