Friday, June 26

Thanks for applying
I will not be dating you
Guy with pet gopher

Thursday, June 25

Potential date guy
If you didn't smell like poop
I might have said yes

Wednesday, June 24: Reader Submission

Today's reader submission comes from Buzz, who is quickly becoming my lifeku star:

I dropped my car off for service last week, and while they worked on it I went for a walk. I was horrified by the trash littering the side of the road. From fast food wrappers, to dirty diapers, to a plastic orange juice bottle filled with what looked like urine. Are you fucking kidding me? Where is the love for Mother Earth?? You ever see a cig smoker almost at the end of the butt, and they cup it, a secretly let it go?

Hey there cig smoker
Throwing it down discretely
You’re a litter bug!

What is that bad smell?
Ooh, baby’s made a poo-poo
Toss the diaper? Gross!

Hey there litter bug
I would love to see your home
Do you trash it too?

Tuesday, June 23

Hey there tattle-tale
Nobody likes a squealer
I'll shut your face up

Monday, June 22

Although my Flame of Twin was not physically present when I was writing this lifeku, she was with me in spirit and therefore the "we" refers to me and her, not me and my man. That's right, when I say "we" I mean me and my flame because I'm just a feminist like that:

We never liked you
Especially when you talk
Your face makes it worse