Saturday, May 30

Street-side oddity
Use your seven-fingered hands
For carnival cash!

Tuesday, May 26

Angry sidewalk man
Your nonsensical yelling
Just makes you look nuts

Thursday, May 14

Red Cross corner guy
Do you have to bother me?
Your job really sucks

Thursday, January 22

Today's lifeku is about a subject that has long since annoyed me... Namely the gross misusage of the English language. I could go off on a rant about the French and how it's impossible to order "one cookies" but I'll save that for later and instead focus on the myriad of idiots that you and I both went to high school with:

Suburban slang kid
Conversate is not a word
Edumacation

PS: For those of you who are stupid idiots just waiting to tell me "misusage" isn't a word, you can check the dictionary definition right here. Snap.

Thursday, December 4

Anyone who lives in a real city probably has their homeless "regulars." These are the homeless people that can always be found in the same place in your neighborhood, except for brief bouts where they disappear and you wonder if they died (you know it's true.) I had 2 regulars that "lived" downstairs from my old apartment in Brooklyn; we dubbed them "Crutch" (he only had one leg) and Snooze (he was always sleeping). In retrospect Snooze could have more appropriately been called "Smells Like Toilet" but I didn't think of that right away. Here in Paris, I have many regulars, including one I really like who talks to everyone with a lion puppet... At least he's providing some sort of entertainment. There was Sleepy McSleeperson, who was often but not always sleeping but regardless always looked really sleepy. There was Drunky McDrunkerson, who once threw a beer can at me and tried to spit on Maureen and was always on a state of constant angry slurring. I didn't like him so much. Then there's "The Crew" which consists of 5 guys, 7 dogs, and a battery powered radio who squat on the corner near the Franprix... Today's lifeku was inspired by my regulars:

Crazy homeless girl
You’re not holding your baby
It’s a dead pigeon

Thursday, October 30

It's hard to bypass a slow, blue-haired old lady shuffling down the street. Especially when they have limited equilibrium and seem to slalom down the side walk:

Old lady beehive
That’s a lot of jewelry
No wonder you’re slow

Wednesday, October 22

Before I moved to Paris, land of discretion, I spent 4 years living in Brooklyn, land of whatever the opposite of discreet is. Today's lifeku is thanks to many sleepless nights of ghetto ass screaming and a particularly eerie ice cream truck that always passed at exactly 4:30 am, with the music playing mind you. I mean who eats ice cream at 4 in the morning? In January? Whatever. Here's the lifeku:

Girl yelling outside
He's not your baby's daddy
You're making a scene

Saturday, September 27

This one's dedicated to every single one of you walking around looking like you're having a conversation with yourself:


Hey suit over there
With a blue tooth stuck to your
Face, you look stupid

UPDATE: I'm not the only one who thinks you're stupid. Check out this post over at Indexed to see a diagram.

Sunday, September 21

Homeless guy in front
Of my house, you smell like pee
Here take twenty cents