Wednesday, July 15: Reader Submission

Today's reader submission comes from Noelle, who will now probably think twice before reaching out to touch somebody:

"A long time ago, I went to the beach with my grandparents. We went to a reptile zoo and I left them to go use the restroom. When I came out, I noticed my grandfather leaning against the railing, so I decided to surprise him with a sudden hug. After I'd successfully wrapped my skinny little arms around him, he turned around with a look of shock on his face, and that's when I realized something. I'd hugged a complete stranger who didn't even remotely look like my grandfather."

Random old stranger:
sorry for the weird hug, man.
I bet you liked it.

Sunday Poll: May 17

Think Fast: Lollygagging

Friday, March 6

I feel like there are certain words that would be fun to integrate into our modern vocabulary... like whippersnapper and hootenany. Our grandparents were respectful and polite, and therefore way more creative when it came to words in general:

Older gentlemen
Please tone down the brouhaha
You might have a stroke

Monday, February 16

After our Valentine's Day love fest, I couldn't help but to stop and think of those desperately in need. Of sex. That's right, you know who I am talking about: A customer service rep, the woman at the French Embassy, that creepy sales guy at Best Buy - none of them have gotten any since the 70's and oh does it show. Today's lifeku goes out to all of you who really, really need to get laid so you can drop the raunchy attitude:

Grumpy old lady
Did you forget about sex?
You really need some

Grumpier old man
Let me introduce you to
Grumpy old lady

Saturday, January 31

Have you ever been driving down the road only to have a Cadillac cut in front of you and slow down to 7 mph? You squint, looking closer, trying to identify this infuriating person in front of you, but all you see are two sets of knuckles on the wheel... and you know. You know that you are officially trapped behind a senior citizen, not unlike your grandmother, and you must wait there because nobody can make an old person do something they don't want to do. That's a fact. Look it up. If you honk or tailgate, you're a bully. Nobody wants to be deemed "old lady bully" like that kid who mugged Rosa Parks. Do you think he ever lived that down? I doubt it.

Old lady driving
See that pedal on the right?
Accelerator

Saturday, November 8

Why is it that old ladies not only seem to think that lines never apply to them, but also that all public spaces have been put there expressly for their personal and exclusive use:

Pushy old woman
People around you exist
Please step aside now

Thursday, October 30

It's hard to bypass a slow, blue-haired old lady shuffling down the street. Especially when they have limited equilibrium and seem to slalom down the side walk:

Old lady beehive
That’s a lot of jewelry
No wonder you’re slow

Tuesday, October 14

Invasive lady
Pressing all up against me
You smell like cat pee