It appears as though I am finally back.... after what seems like years of waiting for a new internet connection. I swear, if France didn't give me 6 hour work days, 5 weeks vacation per year, and really good bread I don't know if I could handle it here without committing customer service murder. After several visits to the SFR boutique, two outbursts of crazy laughter when I just couldn't take it anymore, and mysteriously picking up my modem at a dry cleaner behind my house (don't even ask because I don't know), I now find myself reconnected.
Today's lifekus are obviously about how a country as developed as France (yes we have electricity and running water) can make things that should be so easy so freaking difficult:
Nonsensical France
You brought us the face transplant
But Wifi is hard??
Dear France Telecom
Screw your lame monopoly
Not another cent
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 24: Reader Submission
Today's reader submission comes from Buzz, who is quickly becoming my lifeku star:
I dropped my car off for service last week, and while they worked on it I went for a walk. I was horrified by the trash littering the side of the road. From fast food wrappers, to dirty diapers, to a plastic orange juice bottle filled with what looked like urine. Are you fucking kidding me? Where is the love for Mother Earth?? You ever see a cig smoker almost at the end of the butt, and they cup it, a secretly let it go?
Hey there cig smoker
Throwing it down discretely
You’re a litter bug!
What is that bad smell?
Ooh, baby’s made a poo-poo
Toss the diaper? Gross!
Hey there litter bug
I would love to see your home
Do you trash it too?
I dropped my car off for service last week, and while they worked on it I went for a walk. I was horrified by the trash littering the side of the road. From fast food wrappers, to dirty diapers, to a plastic orange juice bottle filled with what looked like urine. Are you fucking kidding me? Where is the love for Mother Earth?? You ever see a cig smoker almost at the end of the butt, and they cup it, a secretly let it go?
Hey there cig smoker
Throwing it down discretely
You’re a litter bug!
What is that bad smell?
Ooh, baby’s made a poo-poo
Toss the diaper? Gross!
Hey there litter bug
I would love to see your home
Do you trash it too?
Monday, May 11
I recently watched this documentary on compulsive hoarding on TLC (technically I watched it on YouTube since I have no TV, and you can to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=daKsMsa8YAc). I basically spent the whole time with my mouth gaping open and one hand glued to my face in horror and when it was over I threw away all of my shoes that I never wear because they eat my feet... well, most of them...Compulsive hoarder
You live in a garbage dump
Is that lamp molding?
Wednesday, May 6
Today's reader submission comes from Buzz, a loyal lifekuer with a special love for syllables. I think you will all find he speaks the Truth:
Dude with the new wheels
We are all truly impressed
Learn to drive a-hole
Challenges surround
Pissed off and low on patience
What would Cheryl do?
Dude with the new wheels
We are all truly impressed
Learn to drive a-hole
Challenges surround
Pissed off and low on patience
What would Cheryl do?
Friday, May 1
The other day on the metro I saw this elderly man dressed all dapper, done to the nines, and ready to go out. He was cool, he was a "cat," he was other terms from the 30's that I can't think of because it's too early. He was even rockin' a hat. I basically wanted to leave Chones and run away with him so we could do the Charleston together in underground moonshine bars, until I saw his magenta socks:
Cool daddy pink socks
Gonna be a wise guy, eh?
Do it on the fly
Cool daddy pink socks
Gonna be a wise guy, eh?
Do it on the fly
Thursday, April 30
This one goes out to every single one of you who has pushed me in the morning:
It’s 8:49
We’re all super late for work
You think you’re special?
It’s 8:49
We’re all super late for work
You think you’re special?
Wednesday, April 29: Reader Submission
Today's reader submission comes from Scott, who can be found over at ScottStories. I don't think it needs much of an introduction, considering we've all been there:
Tequila with ice
Okay, maybe just one more
I will never learn
Tequila with ice
Okay, maybe just one more
I will never learn
Thursday, April 23
This one goes out to everyone who's ever fallen down in public, myself definitely included:
Face-planting wonder
Oooh that looks like it hurt bad
Gravity's a bitch
Face-planting wonder
Oooh that looks like it hurt bad
Gravity's a bitch
Wednesday, April 15: Reader Submission
This weeks reader submission comes from Mike, who tells a tale of discomfort that we all have known:
"Thursday night was low key and uneventful and I merely went out after work to have some wings and a beer. I felt fine and passed out like a baby before midnight. But around 4am, I woke up to this sharp burning sensation in my stomach. It was only minutes later before I was out my back door begging for mercy."
Teriyaki wings
why torture me and start a
wretched barf-a-thon?
Acid mouth flavor
Where's my Listerine bottle?
Swish, Spit, Rinse, Repeat
"Thursday night was low key and uneventful and I merely went out after work to have some wings and a beer. I felt fine and passed out like a baby before midnight. But around 4am, I woke up to this sharp burning sensation in my stomach. It was only minutes later before I was out my back door begging for mercy."
Teriyaki wings
why torture me and start a
wretched barf-a-thon?
Acid mouth flavor
Where's my Listerine bottle?
Swish, Spit, Rinse, Repeat
Thursday, April 9
Recently in Paris it has been exceptionally beautiful outside. Warm, sunny, perfect blue skies with white fluffy clouds... and everybody's out to enjoy it. First of all you should know that the French love to talk about the weather, in general... all of the time. Second, Parisian people completely change when the sun comes out, shedding their faux frowns for light, happy smiles as they bask in the sun with some obscure juice like strawberry or melon. During moments like this, the outdoor cafe seating, or terrasse, becomes a full out war for the best places in the sun and once you get a good spot you don't move for a long time. Which brings us to:
Terrasse au soleil
Parisian snobbery
I’m better than you
Terrasse au soleil
Parisian snobbery
I’m better than you
Wednesday, April 8: Reader Submission
Today's reader submission comes from Alfonso, who responded to my personal request for lifekus inspired by life with no internet:
Internet go boom
1991 again
Where's my Sonic Youth?
Internet go boom
1991 again
Where's my Sonic Youth?
Tuesday, March 31
I recently experienced a delay in my regular Nespresso delivery... this meant that I hate wake up without the fresh, delightful morning odor that I had become so very accustomed to. Instead, I lagged my heavy body around the kitchen until I found some [shudder] instant cappuccino to which I added [shudders again] instant coffee for a creation vaguely resembling a decent cup of coffee. Vaguely, but not really...
No coffee morning
Minimum brain wave function
Eyelids made of lead
No coffee morning
Minimum brain wave function
Eyelids made of lead
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